Can I ever live life sober?

HRA916 · 04-21-2009, 11:05

The answer is YES. I was stuck in the depths of addiction. My denial was so thick and I couldn't see life for what it was. I picked up at age 17 and my progression was so fast I didn't know what hit me. Years went by and I was still so sick, mentally, physically, and spiritually. With addiction comes jails, institutions and in many cases death. I experienced all 3. Luckily, I was revived a few times and wasn't placed 6 feet under.
Eventually, the vicious cycle continued and my family and I decided that the military was my only hope. We really thought it would teach me discipline and self worth and that I wouldn't have time to drink and drug because the consequences would be too extreme. But, what I learned is where ever you go you take yourself with you. I couldn't run away from my problems, let alone the disease of addiction. 2 years and six months later the USN gave me a discharge of a personality disorder. I felt so hopeless but nothing could stop the obsession and compulsion to drink and drug.
For me, I had to hit many bottoms. The more bottoms, the farther we fall. Eventually, I was admitted to the VA rehab, both inpatient and outpatient and the domiciliary and many more rehabs. But, why couldn't I stay sober?
It was because I didn't have the willingness to do whatever it took to stay sober. I didn't have any tools to use and I just kept taking MY will back. I also kept using bad things that happened in my life as excuses to use. I have to move on or I will stay miserable.

Addiction has robbed me of many wonderful things. I am 28 and I am just starting to live life for the first time. The blinders have been taking off of my eyes and I can finally see clearly. For me I need a program, other people who are just like me, and a god of my understanding. That has been my experience and may not be for anyone else. But, this way of life has been working for me for almost 3 years now. What a miracle.
I never thought I would ever be able to go through one whole day w\ out putting a substance in my body.

I am here if anyone wants to chat.
I am not recovered. I will always be recovering. Once I think I have it, I don't.

Railroad Momma · 04-21-2009, 11:15

It's all about taking baby steps. You can continue on this path you have taken. We are here to help. Keep up the good work.

mom6 · 04-21-2009, 11:56

You are doing a good job. Take small steps. Pat yourself on the back for each of those small steps. And take the time to smell the roses and take care of yourself. Hang in there. I am listening and learning from you thanks.

HRA916 · 04-22-2009, 10:22

Thanks for the kind words!
So many vets, of both sexes, are suffering from addiction.
I know that VA docs are over prescribing pain meds, and tranquilizers to the vets just to shut them up. It isn't just VA docs it's doctors everywhere.
Luckily, that never happened to me because they already knew I had a problem.

eagleheart · 11-03-2009, 10:29

I started drinking in the military. i think because I had joined the military to excape sexaul abuse in my family and then found this abuse in the military. It was more than my head could take. My progression was fast and moved quickly to drugs becaue I didnt want to feel anyhting at all. I could take alot of drugs and still walk around like I was normal. Nobody even knew that I was drunk or doped up. I have been clean and sober for a long time but life still is hard for me to deal with because of how much I depended on alcohol and drugs and my head is waking up to abuse that happened to me feeling wise.