rv1978semperfi

Thank You guys so much! This weekend had been so hecktec. Out of ten years of marraige my husband decided to go look els were for attention. He had told me I was on the computer too much and that I was taking others words into consideration and not his. he felt less important to me. I found all his letters to many woman and how they were to eachother. He claims to never had done anything with them but yet this past Friday, this past Friday I had a feeling. A strong one. I never thought of checking up on my husband because I felt I could trust him and I had faith in him. But this past friday I activated the sprint locator and found on the map were exactly he was. he was at an apartment for low income family complex then went off to 711 to buy condums in which i through my twins in their chair in our van and took off. At first I thought maybe someone got his cell phone but when I approached the location i found our other van. I couldn't believe it. i opened the van and found an empty box of a 3 pk condom trojen. My life seemed like it didn't excist anymore. i wanted to hurt him in more ways then one becuase he knew everything about me. i felt so taken advantage of i started to scream and call everyone to help me. only two of my friends were able to help me. one came and saw what i was doing. my husband didn't do anything but he was scarred shitless cause i was yelling at the top of my lungs in a drill instructor voice, and believe me everyone heard me at least a two mile radious. he was so scarred that when he did, i ran after him and just attacked him. my friend took me off of him and i just don't rememeber anything past that. i am still in so much pain. we talked through out the weekend but the night he came back, I called him back and talked to him with out yelling, without hitting him even tho i wanted to. i started to understand his needs and found out that he was sooo lost. lost cause he just went into temtation for the first time. i starting to think he is suck a good man why did you do this. i had to have proof so i told him you better give me the passwords to everything. he did and i read them all. i got so angry when he was trying to invite them over to our home with my two year old twins present. i told him what could of happend. that those stupid whores could take our kids and kill them or kill all of us. that was when he had a stroke. at first i didn't care I was like die shit head for putting all of us in danger. why? why should i help you, my kids are in danger now because of you. but for some reason i wanted him to live to make him see what he has been neglecting all along while he was on his selfish time. I wanted him to see he has the real thing here, the kids, me his wife who loves and adores him. so i called 911. my god it took me so much to calm down but i did. when he came home he was suppose to take it easy, i didn't allow it. i made him clean while i slept, i made him stay with the kids while i slept. i was so emotionally drained that i didn't want to do anything. he was the fuck face who did it so i made him. when i was up i reminded him how angree i was to the point were he started to shake and his face looked funny again. i stoped then when he was calm i started on him again. then my own guilt set in and so i stopped. I'm in so much pain right now still after telling him that in a way i do forgive him and i reminded him over and over last night why he married me. he enjoyed it so much but at the same time, i want to be strong to face my fellow classmates with out breaking down. i want to focus on my mid terms and not have to worry if my husband will end up doing this again. i want to do the right thing. he is a good man, he never hurt me until now after 9 and a half years he never hurt me. could it be that he is just human and needed to be reminded by his wife that i am everything he needed? my stress levels gon up so high that i started getting flash backs of everything that ever happend to me. how can i look past this and be strong how can i?

Railroad Momma

So sorry to hear about your troubles with your husband. I have been there with my ex and don't wish that heartache and pain on anyone. You will be in my thoughts. As for any advice I can give you, I request that you reach deep inside you while you're calm and not so upset and think about what it is you really want for yourself and in a marriage. I personally would kick my husband to the curb, but only you can know how you feel and what you need. Just know that we at GAF are hear for you and will do whatever we can to make your life somewhat happier even if it is just to listen to you share your pain and suffering. I also suggest that you speak with someone (a friend, a co-worker or family member) just for some extra support. Again, I feel for you and let me know what I can personally say or do to help your situation.
All my best to you,
Laura

__________________
"Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves."
~Regina Brett~

snoopy

so sorry to hear about your troubles with your husband. I am having problems with my husband also. Right now I am working on myself as I can't change him. I am looking into counseling for myself in fact I have an appointment with one next week.
My husband and I have been together for 17 years and I would hate to give up on us but right now I am working on getting myself back to myself. that may be what you need to do to.
If would be better for you and your kids if Momma is herself and happy even if it means you and your husband end up going separate ways.
You should be hurt by his cheating you gave him your trust and he violated that trust. It will take a lot of work to get past that and trust him again. Please take care and try to stay calm as it will be better for you.
If you need to talk please feel free to reach out to me.
Karen

VietnamPT

Understand - after 24yrs and 8 months, I found the same thing. He said he just did not love me anymore, we had gone in different directions. He is gone in another direction! I had a wonderful internist who referred me immediately to counseling. They saved my life and that of my children. Although adults, the way I approach them concerning their father is different. The professional counselors can help and with as much pain and anger as I read, please utilize that resource. I was also reading that you are in school. WAY TO GO! Other than the babies, focus your energy there. It is a way out of dependence on another's paycheck. Sounds like you have a whole lot of strength - this pain is real, albeit temporary. You CAN get through this. If you can write it, you can tell it - you called for hep when you needed it. It takes more courage to ask for help than not. Your babies need you. Take care of yourself so you can take care of them. As for your husband - he made a choice that cost him his physical health and oral health.

Grullogal

This is so true, only you can work on changing yourself, not him. Your children should not see your anger, it is confusing at best. It is hard to hold back but it will be better in the long run.

mom6

I think we can all see where you are at. You have had to shoulder so much stuff, but you sound like you have the strength and the wisdom to handle it. I here your pain and anger. You have the right to feel thata way, you are doing the right thing by going to counseling. Get your stuff under control then hold on to your beliefs before deciding on what you want next.

How is your classes going for you? Be careful and do not take on to much. You can get through this. You have the right tools to do it. If you need something or someone to talk to just let me know. I have been in your shoes and I am still working on some of the isuues.You are in my thoughts. Hang in there.

__________________
Leslie
Hugs and warm thought from Oregon

rv1978semperfi

And I want to thank you all for the response. I have been holding true to my family and talking with my husband. I have asked why and he has answered. We plan on strengthening our relationship and by doing so are starting to regain our faith in church. I love him and cannot live without him. He is the only man who accepted me at my worst. This is his first time ever doing this and he is sooo sorry he had put me through so much pain. Every day since then he has tried in one way shape or form to make it up to me and he hasn't even given up. I'll see six months from now if he keeps it up but till them we are working on us.

I'm still in school bettering myself so I can prove to my kids how important a college education is. I plan on after I graduate I will just be an at home mom. I think my husband would like that, he has mentioned it several times. At one point of our talk he had voiced how ambitious I am and how he is afraid that I may forget about the family. Besides I think he is right, I may get lost in work and forget about how important family really is but really I would forget my main issues in my head. I don't know if that makes sense but it may be true.

I have always talked about how important family is and now I have one. I just want this pain in my head to go away. Ever since this ordeal of ours it feels like it fully activated something in my head. Like this past week I have more memories then ever and little things are starting to affect me more then they use to. I talk to my husband about it and he is there helping me get through it and reminding me where I am.

I don’t want to take medication, it makes me feel all funny and I act like I’m in lala land or something. Since its getting cooler I plan on going on walks with my twins. I hope it will lessen the issues in my head or at least to the point where I can deal with them on my own.

Here I go again, blabbing away when I just wanted to say thank you. Thank You all for coming to my help.

VietnamPT

Your are a special person. Never apologize for reaching out to others for support. That is one of the reasons for this site. Not to mention - one of the reasons so many people get into deep emotional trouble. You are doing the best you can for yourself - and if you are not there,neither is the family your believe in and love so strongly that you are willing to give all ( and do daily) to preserve the life of that family. Your relationship with your husband will also take time - both good and bad - so allow yourself the room to move through the issues. Your husband can never experience what you have - not even if he goes into battle himself. It is truly different for women. He cannot fully empathize and I pray that he continues to try. In that aspect, you are lucky. You have a partner who will try. Your babies need you - your partner needs you and more than either of those - you need you. Keep in touch.