PTSD, MST, etc.

aza · 09-24-2009, 08:41

Went to the psych eval. at the VA this week. Same story as many of you, --the psychologist said although it was very clear that I still suffer from serious service-related PTSD and have since my discharge, there is no documentation, no paper trail, so no SRD.

My time was vietnam era, PTSD hadn't even been invented yet... not til the 80's...

When I got out, I avoided doctors and military and just ran for 5 years... I knew I was in trouble, but was afraid of getting locked up...
until a clerical error after a back injury got me accidentally sent to a shrink in a pain clinic instead of the pain therapist. I was so busted. Probably saved my life... I was pretty crazy by then..

-which is to say- if you are having ANY trouble after discharge, go to someone sooner rather than later, if only to establish a paper trail. Not sure of the time cutoff, but months, not years. You may think you don't need it now, but you may need it later in life... sometimes this shit will come back and bite you in the ass years later...

You don't even have to go looking to get any help if you don't think you need it , just find someone recognized as "qualified" to listen to your story and make a record of it....

it's a good thing to have in your back pocket just in case....
options are a beautiful thing...

mom6 · 09-27-2009, 12:14

I was given a 10% rating for PTSD and I did not have a paper trail from my service days. I was also aske abot MST and agian no documentation and was given that diagnoses. So I am confused about why you did not get the diagnoses. Your case should be slam dunk. I would appile the findings because that is so much crap. Hang in there and thank you for doing what you did for us.

eagleheart · 10-30-2009, 21:38

I am a vietnam era vet with no paper trial either for MST. When I was in women were pressured into not making a paper trial. I have stuff in my records that actually show that something happened to me but the military plays around with the wording to make the evidence less concrete. Washington denied me compensation but indicated that I had severe PTSD.

aza · 11-01-2009, 18:48

They didn't take it seriously back then. You were either lying, asking for it, or they were just boys being boys- lighten up, toughen up, where's the harm, what did you expect..?

When the harassment started, I reported it to my immediate superior and requested I not be assigned duty with these 2 guys if possible- he laughed and made sure I was assigned to them every single time after that. I'm doubt he ever wrote anything down. He joked with them about it....

They told me...

They were careful never to harass me in front of anyone after that- and the violence was escalating.... they fed off each other... double teamed me..

Finishing that C school would also have finished an AA degree that I could use the rest of my life to work as a lab tech. I was due to be transferred to Japan after graduation and was really excited about it- that was why I'd joined- to see the world - but then after one of the guys jumped in an elevator after me and beat over the head with a plaster cast until the next floor & he left me dazed, I realized I probably wouldn't live to ever get that transfer and get away from those guys... I was getting weaker & more frightened as the days wore on...

My last duty before I could graduate was a 2 week graveyard shift alone in the small remote microbiology lab on the base. I expected it was then they'd make their move and I'd be dead or worse... I was really scared...

So I got myself kicked out before that duty was to start. I told my CO I was having these dreams and thought I might, maybe, possibly be gay... I was a civilian in 5 days.... Honorable discharge, since I didn't do anything. They were so homophobic, that they literally kicked me out for a dream.... and that may have saved my life..

Those motherfuckers stole so much away from me. My military career (I'd planned on 20 years, then retire), an A.S. degree, my travel to Japan, my sanity, my life... just to amuse themselves because they were bored....

I hate it that I was so weak and let myself be a target like that. I should have shot them... (women weren't allowed to carry guns in those days...) who knows what they went on to do to other women.. they weren't worth the damage they caused... 15 years of nightmares from that trash... A lifetime of poverty, not being able to take stress on the job, losing them, moving, eventually institutionalized... I hate it still that I let them do that to me...

They didn't have treatment for trauma then like they do now. Women were just starting to create their own rape-crisis centers back then, and battered womens' shelters. It was at the beginning of the women's movement-- when women first started calling men on their shit, and saying this isn't right- no more... and trying to find a way to deal with it... All this stuff was new, back then... and grassroots... fumbling through... before that, it was always the woman's fault and she had no choice but to take it and shut up about it..

I'm proud I served, (tried to anyway) and I did my job. Nobody could knock my job performance... And I wish I could have done more... I was good.

eagleheart · 11-02-2009, 09:49

You have heard of the expression manning up. Most military men go through a right of passage to be considered a man. The 1st thing they get called are ladies. They get screamed at. Even if they get beat up by bunk mates they arent suppose to say anything about it. I

t is the military mentality of what a man is suppose to be. This is why when you asked for helped you got laughed at. Be glad that you did asked for help because that means that you stayed human enough to talk about this. I have a honorable discharge paper sitting in a box that I never take out because it reminds me of when I felt like both a failure and a victim.

eagleheart · 11-02-2009, 15:53

I got so upset inside one day in a male housing project in Vegas that I grabbbed some paints and sreached for a bussiness that would let me paint a mural. LA Market on LVB let me paint what I felt. This was painted in the year 2008. A female vet died that was invovled with the support group that I created. Alot of male vets who understood how I felt or where I was coming from also died one by one. They had health problems. A female vet hung her self in Michael Callaghen Hospitals mental ward in Las vegas according to a group called The Soldiers Angels They buried her before any body undestood why she died or the facts behind her death. I just kept painting as these things were happening. To this day tourists stand some times 50 at a time taking pictures of this painting. Thats how get my feelings out and it is fun.

aza · 11-03-2009, 07:03

Got a picture or a link of your mural?

eagleheart · 11-03-2009, 09:12

Those were events that occurred while I was doing this painting. I have pictures of the mural. As soon as I get more time I will arrange them and load them up.

I dont always believe everything I think but sometimes I play around with theories concerning the military. I think I am in the process of tryig to understand the damage that was done to me.